Chivalry is not dead - or so I’m told.
Because let me tell you, there aren’t many “relationship” situations that do not involve a late night text on a Saturday night or utter lack of communication. How chivalrous! But, that’s not to say that there aren’t relationships that form from a random hookup one night and those shouldn’t be discredited.
A lot of people expect to go off to college and find ~the one, and that is definitely possible. Others go off to college to experiment or to experience things that they were maybe missing in high school. All are totally normal things to do. But, there are plenty of people who have come to terms with the reality that is ‘hooking up in college’ for many. I’m going to share some responses from followers who submitted them and share my thoughts on them…
First:
“Hookup culture tends to be a bit stressful. I don’t really understand how it works. My homies and I, however, abstain from hookup culture. If you want to kiss my best friend, you are going to have to take him out to dinner first.”
*slow clap for this person*
I love this. Take a girl to dinner first. It’s as easy as that. I feel like growing up watching tv and movies, we would see people go on dates all the time in middle school, high school and college. What a major let down it was to grow up in an age where technology has somehow trumped that and where sending a snap message asking “you up?” is somehow better than going to get milkshakes...Let me know how that adds up.
I also want to emphasize the “you are going to have to take him to dinner first.” A lot of times, people think that it’s the guy who has to make the first move and it’s the guy who is showing this immature behavior. Not all guys feel that way. Girls, you aren’t out of the woods!
And then there is this:
“Hookup culture is not always what a typical “college hookup culture” makes it out to be. There’s a huge stigma around sex and the fact that it is expected but I’ve had quite the opposite experience. There are still people who want to take things slow or hang out and get to know you. Hookup culture as we know it is not always super sexual.”
I am all about hanging out and getting to know someone. If I don’t know what your favorite color is and whether or not you like The Office after our first conversation, then it wasn’t a long enough chat. By the way, mine is green and I’ve seen The Office four times.
This person also likes the hanging out part:
“I don’t like hookup culture in college because I’d rather get to know someone before I get with them or do anything of the sort with them, but that’s simply not normal here (at least within the party scene.) I find it weird how you can get with someone and share an intimate moment and then potentially never speak to them again.”
The whole idea of how getting to know someone before hooking up isn’t normal at certain college campuses is an interesting one. If you think about it, I guess it’s true. How are you supposed to form a real connection with someone in the basement of Kappa Apple Pi if the seizure-inducing party lights are bouncing off the walls and No Hands is playing on repeat? And the whole having a moment and potentially never speaking ever again thing? Not a fan. Not a fan of ghosts. Don’t be that guy or girl. You were raised better than that.
This person clearly got to know someone very well:
“I dated a guy three years in college, definitely thought he was the one and then it ended senior year. It was tough as hell but it’s also one of those things like we all think college is the end but in reality we have SO much life left to live.”
I’ve never really been in a real relationship. Going into my freshman year of college I remember thinking wow, I am going to find my husband here. Fast forward a year later and I ended up transferring - let’s just go with it was because I didn’t see any real candidates. The point that is super important to note here is how things could be so set in stone one moment, and change the next. College is great, but don’t discredit all the years to come after.
This person, had a different experience:
“Freshman year hookups were overwhelmingly frequent, especially because we rushed first semester. I recall hearing from the older guys, “girls don’t have friend groups yet, so you can get with anyone,” and it was true. No one had a history, barely anyone knew anyone, and no one seemed to judge because everyone was doing it.”
I’m not a guy and I didn’t rush a frat, so I can’t really attest to the whole frat culture thing and what that must be like. Am I a fan of what those “older guys” said? Obviously not. How…manipulating? Is that even the right word? It’s gross and entitled. But, that’s college. And people have to be aware of the situations that could arise. As for frat parties, I do know that it’s a lot of the same guys getting with a lot of the same girls, and that’s just because the same people go to the same parties. Happens. That’s also how the freshman plague and mono comes around. But like I said, happens.
And lastly, this person knows what’s up:
“To get a girlfriend because you feel incomplete is foolish and selfish. It’s to put her in the place of completing me. It’s wrong. So a person needs to become self confident first, and run their own lives.”
This one is so important. College is all about YOU. They are YOUR four years of independence and freedom and you can do with them what you please. If you aren’t the kind of person who likes to casually hook up with a bunch of different people, maybe Tinder isn’t for you. Or Bumble. Or Hinge. Or whatever the kids are doing these days. I feel like people are always concerned with their numbers and how many people they get with but guess what? Nobody’s counting! And it’s nobody’s business.
Especially now during quarantine, it’s a time to focus on yourself. What do you want when you get back to school?
**I find it important to note that these opinions were submitted from both boys and girls, to show how it’s not always a one-sided situation. Thank you to everyone who sent in responses and shared their feelings with me! Much appreciated. Xx.