Everything happens for a reason.
After reading that first sentence, I bet you just:
Rolled your eyes
Sighed
Were reminded of a time you felt crappy and someone said that to you and it made you feel even worse
I hear you. We’ve all been there.
Never have I ever heard that phrase more in my entire 20 years and 364 days (my birthday is Saturday) on this earth than I did during my senior year of high school.
Everyone was so high strung, especially first semester. Whenever someone didn’t get into their top school or Early Decision choice, they would be bombarded with text messages and pats on the back to reassure them that everything happens for a reason. It just wasn’t meant to be! Everything would be a-ok!
Not exactly the kind of thing you want to hear when all of your hopes and dreams come crashing down. But, it’s TRUE.
During the weeks leading up to the heavily anticipated arrival of my college decision, people would tell me the same things: to not worry and that everything happens for a reason. It’s like they were using it as a prep and landing for my inevitable rejection. While I know people were trying to be comforting and helpful, it was literally the last thing I wanted to hear. No, I was thinking. There is only one acceptable outcome and result and if it isn’t the one that I want, then no everything is not going to be okay.
Well, spoiler alert: I got accepted. All was right in the world. It was the happiest day of my life. All of the stress and tears and sickness that I brought on myself out of worrying was finally met with the answer I was longing for....
...And then my freshman year of college happened and I was suddenly doubting my decision and all that came with it.
That was the hardest year of my life thus far, hands down. I cried almost every single day and was absolutely miserable. Totally lost myself. Transferred. Blah blah blah we don’t need to rehash it but you KNOW WHAT? I wouldn’t take the year back. Nope. I wouldn’t. Want to know why? Because now that I am a few years removed from it, I realize alllll that I learned about myself. What I enjoyed doing socially, what I didn’t enjoy doing socially. What I wanted in a friend, what I didn’t want in a friend. What I needed that I didn’t have access to, the list goes on and on.
I am a completely different person now. For the better, I think. And I am totally fine using the “everything happens for a reason” excuse as a justification for my loaded freshman year. Now, it’s not an EXCUSE excuse like, oh my dog ate my homework. I don’t think it’s a cop out to use it because I believe in it.
Instead, I find that I use it as a sort of coping mechanism when it comes to feeling stressed or anxious or overwhelmed or if something doesn’t go my way in the moment. I kind of take a step back and remove myself from the situation and think to myself, what is one good thing that can come out of this? Or, in a year from now, how will this decision positively impact me?
Sometimes, it is hard to see it in that moment. Especially when something really bad happens. Those are times where I understand how hard it might be to believe that it happened for a reason. Whether it has to do with death, rejection, moving, relationships, etc. I think that it is something that could take years to realize.
I also think it is a lot easier to project the notion onto someone else and their situation. Let’s say a friend didn’t get the job they wanted or they got broken up with. It’s so easy to say, hey, everything happens for a reason! Meanwhile they probably want to kick you out of frustration and sadness, and I get that. I do. Kick me.
But I think it takes a lot more to be able to apply the reasoning to your own life. To be in a sucky situation and rather than sink with it, be able to take a step back and say, you know what, this might make sense a month from now or three years from now, and to trust the hope that something better is going to come along or something good will come front this. THAT is hard.
A friend pointed out to me that those who are usually optimistic and see the good will tend to somehow find a way to believe that everything happens for a reason, which I guess is true. There are some who just choose to see things that way. Almost like a glass half-full mentality.
Here are a couple scenarios that I have dealt with where I chose to look at it from the “everything happens for a reason” perspective.
A boy I liked ghosted me (for those of you who may be a little bit older than myself, that means that they simply stopped talking to you.) Yeah, yeah, it happens whatever. Moral of the story is, while it sucked in the moment, I chose to look at it like, you know what Megan, he probably hates The Office or hates puppies or something insane like that. So, everything happens for a reason. It would’ve never worked anyways. Moving on.
I have lost some friendships over the years as I’ve gotten older, who hasn’t? While it was weird in the moment, I came to the conclusion that maybe we were just too different and weren’t beneficial for each other. Totally fine. No harm, no foul. Everything happens for a reason. Moving on.
Being sent home from school to quarantine last spring. Honestly, if you know me you know that I love home and my family so it really wasn’t a huge bummer for me. While it was really scary to watch the news and see the world seemingly crumble around us, I was sent home from school for a reason. One, for my safety. But two, so I could spend an insane amount of time with my family and puppy and sister! Everything happens for a reason.
I think I try my best to see things that way. Don’t get me wrong, I complain, like a lot. Just ask my parents! They’ll be the first to tell you.
But I have really been trying to work on my mindset and looking at things from a different, outside perspective and I think it helps me calm down a little bit when I get super stressed or in my head about something! So, whether you choose to believe that everything happens for a reason or not is completely up to you. Maybe you can apply it to some things in your life but find it too hard to do so for others. That is also totally fine. To each their own.
I hope you enjoyed the three-part Stress Series this month in honor of National Stress Awareness Month! If you want to read the last two, I will link them down below.
Smile. It’s good for you.
Post #1: https://www.operationhappinessblog.com/no-lifeguard-on-duty/2021/4/1/stress-series-post-1-dont-suppress-the-stress
Post #2: https://www.operationhappinessblog.com/no-lifeguard-on-duty/2021/4/11/stress-series-post-2-my-meditation-experience