In my town, there are a few things that people typically do once they go to college. Two of them are joining Greek life and studying abroad. You will most likely go to school with some of your high school classmates, become their ‘brother’ or ‘sister’ and then travel the world with them. Before I went to college myself, those two things sounded like an obvious “duh.” But I found that the whole sorority thing wasn’t for me and although I wanted to study abroad at first, I realized that there is no way I could do it. Yes, I would love to travel the world. But, I hate sleepovers, I hated sleepaway camp and every time we go on vacation, I am ready to come home after five days. What can I say, I like being home!
While many of our friends rave about their times abroad, because let’s be real, it is absolutely a once in a lifetime, unreal experience, the transition is never included in the highlight reel. Uprooting your life for a whole semester is a complete culture shock. The thing is, nobody ever talks about it. So, here are some submissions from different people, ages, gender and schools about their transition abroad.
“When I first arrived in London I was really overwhelmed by all the people and a culture that was much different than the United States. My first two weeks there I spent a lot of time in my apartment rather than going out to bars and clubs or just even exploring the city. Staying in only caused me to feel even more anxious about the thought of going out into the city. Although I felt nervous, I had to force myself to go out with friends and have a good time. I quickly found that there wasn’t much I needed to be nervous about and that I would have a lot more fun sticking with my friends rather than just sitting in my apartment…”
The two times I’ve been out of the country were 10 day trips in countries where the main language was not English. It was very overwhelming because I was constantly feeling like I was playing catch up, trying to translate into English what I was being told and then back to Spanish to respond back. By the end of the day I was exhausted.
What I love about this entry is how this person came to the realization all by themself that the whole sitting inside thing wasn’t going to work out anymore. It’s totally normal to feel overwhelmed and to want to take some alone time - I’m a big proponent of alone time - but it’s also important to balance that out with trying new things and going out of your comfort zone. After all, you are living across the world. What could be more out of your comfort zone than that?
“When you speak to family, friends and other college alumni that study abroad, you often hear of life changing experiences. You hear of traveling to amazing countries - eating pastries in Europe or surfing in Australia. For many college students it feels like study abroad is a no brainer. There are others, like me, who were more hesitant. I had created an incredible life for myself on my college campus, and frankly enjoyed the comfort I felt in my classes, my apartment and the town. In my mind, there is a finite time you get to spend in college, and I didn’t want to waste it abroad. With that being said, I definitely felt a pressure to push myself to study abroad for a semester. I let myself be convinced that it was what was right for me. In retrospect, I wish I had listened to myself, and what I knew would make me happy. When I got abroad, there was an immediately overwhelming feeling. I figured there would be an adjustment and that I just had to push through it. As time went on, I realized my plan was flawed in a few ways. I hadn’t done enough research on the program I was attending. I didn’t understand the implications that the housing, the classes or the schedule would have on me. At the end of the day, picking an incredible city is only an incredible experience if you surround yourself with people, academics and accommodations that make you comfortably uncomfortable.”
We always hear that we should trust our gut and that we know ourselves best. So why is it that we let other people and what is considered “right” or “normal” override those gut feelings? Peer pressure. It’s so easy to get caught up in what everyone else is doing and convince yourself that maybe you should do it too. I love what this person said at the end about being comfortably uncomfortable - that’s what trying new things and new experiences is all about, right? If that weren’t the case, then there wouldn’t be a sense of home or a safe space.
So take this submission as a learning lesson: if you have any sense of hesitancy about going abroad for a semester, take the time to think about what you will be missing at school while you are away. If it isn’t worth being gone for you, don’t go for a whole semester. You can either visit your friends over spring break or you can do a summer or winter session that is more condensed. That’s what I would do!
“The “fear of missing out,” or more informally known as F.O.M.O, is something that surprised me because despite being coupled with homesickness in a toxic combination, it is practically a homeless concept. It knows no borders and has no restrictions, so it was the most portable thing that I unintentionally carried with me when I studied abroad in South Korea last fall. Although I had prepared to the best of my abilities before embarking on the 14-hour flight from JFK Airport to Incheon Airport, there was no check box to mark or method of preparation for the kind of homesickness I experienced after the adrenaline rush of arriving wore off. In this age, we are heavily attached to our technological footprints, so it was easy to see how the places and people I called home were living without me - and it felt isolating. In those moments, the “fear of missing out” manifested into this impossible wish to be in two, three or however many places you have the privilege of calling home at once; the monotonous beat of my thumb tapping the surface of my phone screen as my eyes skimmed through Instagram posts of college football tailgates, Snapchat stories of reunions with home friends, text messages from my parents and brothers giving me the latest update and the always welcomed pictures of my dog - all snapshots of what I’ve been missing as I’m here and the rest of my world seems to be over there….”
Oh, FOMO. The contagious mind game that starts in middle school and ends...well, does it ever? Even if you don’t want to look, you can’t help but see what everyone else is up to. And when you aren’t home to be a part of whatever event you would have been if you were, it can be hard to see. Whether it’s a college football tailgate, a school tradition or simply being at school in the spring, some things are just hard to imagine missing out on. I decided my sophomore year that I would not be going abroad the next year, and yet, I was already stressing about seeing everyone from my grade at home and at school abroad, reuniting, being together. Isn’t that silly? Who cares? But I just couldn’t help it.
My advice would be to take those first two weeks to adjust and fully immerse yourself in your new environment. Like this person said, the adrenaline rush is going to dissipate and you are going to have a quick reality check of your new life. So I would say, don’t worry about what other people across the world are doing, focus on you.
“When I looked at colleges, study abroad programs were one of those things that I kept my eyes peeled for. I knew I wanted to do it, but the dream of living in a foreign country, hitting up all those Instagram-worthy spots, and feeling this pressure to appear like I’m having the time of my life hides the struggle of trying to time convenient phone calls with a fourteen hour time difference when you’re having a mental breakdown about school (because yes, there is some studying in study abroad), the alienation from seeing which friends comment on your Instagram pictures and which ones don’t, and the hesitancy of telling your friends that you’re having the best time yet miss them a lot to avoid the expected response of “what is there to miss here when you’re over there?” Although the only way to deal with this kind of homesickness is to ignore it, feeling it made me appreciative of how many places and people I do get to call home and be allowed to miss. I had the best time studying abroad, but it was very clear that my roots were elsewhere and I was scared of being uprooted. This new sensation of homesickness made me understand why F.O.M.O begins with fear…”
I think the key to this is “hiding the struggle.” The pictures of pizza and lattes and sweets look delicious and may make people’s mouth water, but in between the meals you also have school work, having to adjust to a major time difference and learning to navigate your new normal for the next few months. It’s scary to be thrown into a new place with new people, let alone a new country across the world with strangers who speak a different language. It’s natural and okay to feel homesick, whether it’s freshman year of college or while studying abroad or anywhere in between. But I wouldn’t ignore it, I would recognize it. Call your parents. Watch some sports games. Try and incorporate a few things from your at-home routine into your new life to make the adjustment a little bit easier! Unfortunately, F.O.M.O is never going to go away. But you can distract yourself with new things to make it a little less apparent.