In a world where people get paid to be an Instagram influencer and post videos on Youtube, I can’t help but think about what my goals were when I was younger in terms of my future.
When I was five, I decided that when I grew up I was going to be a librarian.
Whenever my class went to the library, I made sure to be the first one to be checked out so that I could stand and watch the librarian check out everyone else.
Open. Stamp. Close. Swipe.
It was the process I knew I was destined to learn and follow. The moment I got my own library card was the moment I became a woman in my eyes - the day I became a Bat-Mitzvah was just for show.
When I was maybe six, I decided that on top of being a librarian, being a cashier was also my calling.
I went to the grocery store with my mom just so I could watch the cashier do her thing - that and the fact that I wasn’t allowed to stay home alone.
They always seemed to have really long fake nails that made the perfect sound when met with the keys on the keyboard. I also loved hearing the popping beep noise that was made after the food or item was scanned.
Clearly, to me, it was the little things in life.
Everyone else that age wanted to be a princess, or for those who lacked a true sense of reality, a pro baseball player.
Granted, I have found bigger aspirations in life than my two previous dreams, and come to think of it, those two jobs will most likely not be around for the duration of my adulthood. Technology nowadays, it’s crazy kids. You can order groceries AND buy a book from the comfort of your own home.
I have always felt more comfortable around adults than kids my own age. I love having conversations that maintain a maturity status greater than who liked your Instagram post and what filter was used on the most recent addition to your profile. Sepia, Valencia, Gingham, I DON’T CARE.
And unfortunately, ever since my generation got sucked into the dominating world of social media, that is all it has been for the past eight years.
In December I decided to take a break from social media and focus on myself. I went from subconsciously checking Instagram whenever I had a second, to not going on it for weeks. I moved it over three pages from my home screen and it’s gotten to the point where I forget I even have the app. It’s a beautiful thing.
I tell people about my hiatus and they seem to be taken aback. Truthfully, before I backed away from the ‘gram, I never could’ve imagined myself not being on it and not wanting to post all the time. Yet, it has now become overwhelming for me to scroll through the endless posts of reassuring good times.
Although I probably won’t become a librarian or a cashier anytime soon, it’s funny to think about my 5-year-old self behind the register. On a step stool. With a name tag. With my name probably spelled wrong. Because again, I was five.
“Oh how the turns have tabled.” - Michael Scott