Big news. Your favorite girl is making big girl moves.
I, Megan Klein, have taken the step through the door of adulthood as I purchased my first cup of coffee. You heard me. First cup of coffee.
Over the course of my almost 20 year existence on earth, I have prided myself in the fact that I had never once ordered or had a full cup of jo. Sure, I’ve tried a sip here and there, but I always hated the taste, the coffee breath and didn’t want to become addicted to it.
Plus, I did it for the bragging rights.
Recently, I have found school to be a non-stop around the clock grind. I know, who cares Megan, that’s college. Everyone feels the same way. Except, I’ve been experiencing 12 hour work days, no Netflix time and a severe lack of sleep, and for all of you true Megan fans, you know my bedtime is right when the sun goes down.
Not anymore. Your girl now has a new eating habit and a new bedtime schedule. Things are a changin’.
With the insane schedule I have this week paired with some severe headaches my poor little head has been enduring, I decided that yesterday was the day. The time had come. Coffee.
Due to the fact that I was oh so inexperienced in this new realm of beverages, I had to consult my coffee connoisseur friends for their suggestions. Of course the one thing that sounded appetizing to me, vanilla cold brew, was conveniently out at the Starbucks location I went to. Weak. I asked them to flavor it up as much as possible, so they put EIGHT pumps of who knows what in there. Not one, not two, eight.
I walked into Starbucks with less confidence than I normally would on a given day, when I would walk in and order. The hardest decision I’ve had to make in a Starbucks was deciding whether or not I wanted the vanilla bean or double chocolatey-chip frappuccino, no whip of course, because apparently I’m still in middle school.
Unfortunately, this was not going to be one of those times. This was business. There was normally a line out the door but of course there was absolutely no wait which meant I had absolutely no time to make sure this was something I wanted to go through with.
“Can I help who’s next?”
I stepped up to the plate. I gave them my order. My order was rejected and I was clearly a foreigner to the world of coffee beans and sweeteners. Honestly, I think I blacked out. I don’t remember giving them my order but I do remember the guy having to ask someone else about the amount of pumps to put in. There was probably some sort of regulation that deemed it unhealthy to put more than a certain amount of pumps in their drinks, but they saw how clueless and hopeless I was and thought, screw it.
They probably thought I was crazy. At that point, a line had accumulated and it was my cue to move to the waiting area.
Having ordered a grande, I felt like it would do the job. I would take some sips, get some work done and feel fabulous.
That would’ve been great, had I actually enjoyed my beverage. Is it just me, or does straight up cold brew taste like what I imagine muddy water to taste like? I was so disappointed it’s not even funny.
I thought to myself, it’s okay. It’s just the first couple of sips and then it will go down easier. Ha.
Almost two hours went by and I’d say that the grande cup was still 95% full. At this point, there was a puddle, no, a lake forming around my cup on the desk and there were so many condensation drops on the cup that I could no longer see my name written in Sharpie - shout out to the barista for spelling my name right. No ‘H’ is the only acceptable way.
Is it okay if I pretend like it never happened? Even if you say no, I’m still going to go on telling everybody and their imaginary friends that I have never ever had a cup of coffee. Because technically, it’s true.
Never have I ever finished an entire cup of coffee. And that is one of the things I am most proud of today.
Today, as I made the brave choice of going back into Starbucks, I was triggered by the smell of coffee. I sat down and did some work, without the help of caffeine might I add. After I was done, I treated myself to the only thing that seemed fitting: a vanilla bean frappuccino no whip.
Before…
And two hours after…