For this College Confession, I will be focusing on one entry from a reader that describes her experience with her body image struggles throughout her time at college. The submission is really well-written and I don’t want to interrupt the flow of it, so my response will be at the bottom!
As someone who grew up playing lots of sports and generally being very active, college was a huge adjustment for me. I was accustomed to structured exercise and home cooked balanced meals as a staple of my routine. Coming to college and now having to figure out both of those elements on my own along with a high volume of drinking and late night eating was a difficult endeavor. When I went home for winter break and had my annual well visit, unsurprisingly I had gained weight.
I had consciously been trying to avoid “the freshman 15” but frankly, I didn’t know how (also more on how screwed up that term is later). What I did know was that society had told me gaining weight was “bad.” I came back from winter break with a better grasp on what amount of exercising works best for me, a more balanced approach to the unlimited, self-serve ice cream machine and overall a clarified mindset of what a “healthy” lifestyle looked like, ready to take on second semester.
A friend of mine came back from winter break in the midst of a challenge with her dad, brother and a few of her dad’s friends of who could lose the most weight. I would come to the table with my plate filled with half veggies, a quarter protein and a quarter carbs (thanks mom!) to her eating only a veggie burger and coffee (since water would cause her to put on weight). People would comment on other people’s eating habits - can 2021 be the year we stop saying, “wow that’s so healthy of you” when people eat a salad? Or better yet, the year when we just stop commenting on peoples’ food. Maybe this uncovered an issue that was there all along, but this “challenge” was extremely unsettling for me. While it’s not fair for me to blame all of my issues on my friend’s actions, as someone who had just barely found their footing in the balance department, this was an easy disruptor.
I wish I could better remember how it all transpired, but what I do remember is being completely consumed by calories. How many I was burning, how many I was eating, what food the dining hall was serving that day. I literally would look up the menu the night before and plan my meals to avoid being “tempted” by any foods that would be too many calories. Like most retired athletes, I depended on running as my main form of exercise and started tracking every mile and pace I completed. Honestly, it was exhausting and frankly I couldn’t even tell you if it worked. But what I can tell you was how generally unhappy and consumed I was with losing “the freshman 15.”
What people don’t tell you is as women, our bodies naturally put on weight as we age. It’s healthy and it’s supposed to happen. Yes, in college we drink and eat more than maybe a registered dietitian would recommend, but we are also ages 18-22 and are supposed to be enjoying some of the prime years of our life. The noise around the “freshman 15” can be paralyzing and honestly for no good reason. We’re all trying to figure it out while adjusting to a completely new world. Who cares if you carry some extra weight? The time a campus officer drives you and your friends at 1 a.m. to get pizza will be a memory you laugh about until you graduate. I wish someone had told me that the memories that come of these times will far outweigh the stress of gaining weight.
I completely empathize with anyone struggling to strike the “healthy” balance in college. As a current senior I still wouldn’t say I have it figured it out. It can be extremely difficult being surrounded by people who are also struggling with figuring out the balance. People show it in very different ways - some healthy coping and some definitely not. We’re all surrounded by people in the peak physical states of their lives and it can be incredibly easy to fall into a comparison trap. But with all of that said, the best advice I can give to anyone struggling with this is the amount you weigh is literally the least interesting characteristic about you. I can promise you NOBODY cares or notices your body nearly as much as you do. College is far too short to waste time consuming yourself with the need to lose weight.
P.S. if you are in a place where you feel your relationship with food / body image / exercise is out of control please seek help! There are so many great resources that are readily able to help! Sending you love!
My Response
Whether you are a college-aged girl or you’re not, I think that there is something in this submission that everyone can relate to.
The Freshman 15
This is something that is literally ingrained in our brains before we even graduate high school. Like this person said, “The noise around the “freshman 15” can be paralyzing and honestly for no good reason.” Somehow, it seems as if it comes up in every conversation, whether it’s with a friend’s mom or your cousin or your best friend. Before you even leave for school, you are planning in your head how you will stay active. Whether it’s joining club soccer or making sure you have time to go to the gym between classes, everyone is so preoccupied and honestly scared of coming back from first semester and having people notice that they gained weight. Here is a friendly little reminder that someone else’s weight is no one else’s business!
Food Comments and Competition
The part where she referred to people commenting on each other’s eating habits is something I am 100% guilty of doing - telling someone they are sooooo healthy and good for them if they are eating a salad while I choose to eat pizza. I think I do it less now that I am older, but it is definitely something I have done.
Something else I do? Sometimes, there are days where I eat breakfast and then don’t eat again until dinner because I am at work and didn’t pack lunch. If one of my coworkers is going on break and they say they are going to eat some fabulous pasta dish they made, I will announce that I haven’t eaten since breakfast. I honestly don’t even realize I am doing it and I honestly don’t think I do it with the intent of looking for a, “Wow Megan good for you!” Because that isn’t good. My roommate brought up a point the other week about how college kids brag about going to bed super duper late because they were doing homework or studying. First of all, get some sleep. Second of all, no one is keeping score! Same with food. It’s time that we stop commenting on how much or how little we eat as if it is a competition.
Dining Hall
Another thing I want to respond to is when she was talking about the dining hall. The dining hall at school is wonderfully overwhelming in every way possible. Buffets used to be something that represented some sort of celebration I would attend with my family a few times a year. Once I got to college, every single meal was an unlimited buffet. Sometimes I would end dinner with literally 7 plates and bowls. AND THAT’S OKAY. Like this person said, at home we are used to having “structured exercise and home cooked balanced meals.” Once we get to school, we have to adjust and figure it all out on our own. If that means you end a meal with 7 plates, bowls and cups stacked on top of each other like the Leaning Tower of Pisa, so be it. Another thing is comparing what you eat to what your friends next to you are eating. If one of your friends gets a salad and you are on your third round of lasagna, good for you. Bon appetit. You might think they are, but no one is judging what is on your plate, how many times you get back up for more and even how many plates you end up with. A lot of times, it is all in our heads. People are way too consumed with what they are literally consuming to be worried about what you are.
Nights Out
One thing that wasn’t explicitly mentioned in this submission that I want to bring up is what happened when we would go out at night. Crop tops and tight bodysuits are the standard uniform for a girl who is going out in college. You know what doesn’t mesh well with tight, non-breathable fabric? Literally any food that has any substance. If I was going out, I would either eat dinner really early to give myself time to digest or I just wouldn’t eat dinner. A bag of Nut Thins and some random dry cereal or whatever I had in my dorm room would have to do. Junior year me is really punching freshman year me in the stomach right now. I seriously skipped the best worst food court Chinese food I’ve ever had just so I could look “good” six hours later? What. A. Shame. Oh, and let me tell you, no one is huddled up in the corner at a party with their friends trying to gauge what you ate for dinner and how bloated your stomach is. I am sure you look like a rockstar before and after eating a solid meal and don’t let anyone (or your own head) tell you otherwise!
This is such an important topic and I am so fortunate that I received such a great submission that I think touches on a lot of the body image struggles and topics that college kids go through.