“It’s not that I wasn’t enjoying school, that I didn’t like my classes or that I didn’t have friends. I never would have told anyone I was unhappy because I was not. I just was yet to find my people. The worst part was that it felt like everyone else at the school had their people. We had been at school for less than four months and it felt like everyone had their college friends for the rest of their lives and I was yet to find them, a feeling that was certainly frightening….Sometimes all it takes is a little bit of courage. I invited some guys over to my dorm to watch football. Now I live with them in a dorm and next year we will be living in a house together.”
This week’s College Confession is all about making friends, or the feeling that you aren’t making any. Whether you’re a freshman, a sophomore, a transfer or simply feel like you haven’t found your people, you are not alone. Promise. Odds are, that person who sits next to you in Intro to Economics feels the same exact way.
I want to focus on this line from the submission:
“The worst part was that it felt like everyone else at the school had their people. We had been at school for less than four months and it felt like everyone had their college friends for the rest of their lives and I was yet to find them…”
17-year-old Megan was beyond excited for her freshman year of college. She had been meeting a bunch of girls at meet-ups, through Instagram, Facebook and Snapchat. It made high school senior-year me feel really reassured in the sense that I felt like I already had all of these friends before I even got to school. I was thinking how much easier it was going to make the transition, and it did.
But the thing with social media is, just because you have a few mutual followers and you like each other’s pictures and comment, “my college friend is sooo hot,” or “so pretty,” that doesn’t mean you know them. You’ll like the comment or leave the same one on their picture to reciprocate the feeling, and you’ll feel comfort in the fact that you have a friend.
I get it. Making new friends is hard. You’re leaving behind people that you have known since you were in diapers, friends that were made because your moms were friends or because you were on the same bus. People who know everything about you, your personality, your hobbies, maybe even some secrets.
People who you’ve “known” and “followed” on social media for a few months don’t. And it’s hard not to get caught up in it. A few months could fly by before you realize and you will stop yourself and say wait a second...how well do I REALLY know this person? Do I even know what their favorite color is?! Which, might I add, is very telling.
Social media isn’t allll bad. Like I said, it’s definitely comforting to go into a new school feeling like you know a few faces. It’s okay to spend the beginning of your year hanging out with people and at the same time finding others who are more your speed or share the same interests. If some of those people you met in the beginning end up being your best friends? Great! If not, no worries.
A lot of people talk about having “first semester friends.” Whether it’s your first semester freshman year, sophomore year or any year, I think it has more to do with the idea of growing throughout the semester and finding people you are more similar to. That doesn’t mean you have to STOP being friends with people you were hanging out with in the beginning. If anything, that just means your pool of people you would want to talk to expanded!
Now, on another note. Our parents have been warning us about stranger danger since we could understand words. Don’t talk to strangers! Don’t give out personal information! Don’t make eye contact! Just ignore and walk away.
Obviously, you aren’t going to spend your years at college staring at your feet and staying silent. That won’t be good. But, I think it’s always a good idea to be cautious when it comes to making friends. I want you to put yourself out there but at the same time be aware. Get to know someone before you share your deepest, darkest secrets. For people like myself who are the definition of an “open book” that may be hard, but you can do it. I’m here for you.
Everybody and their mothers knows by now that I am a transfer student; it has become part of my person at this point. With that being said, I had an epiphany last week.
I was walking to class jamming out to Sparks Fly (Live 2011) by Taylor Swift, because what else, and I realized that I finally feel like I am doing things right. It's second semester of my sophomore year and I finally feel like I have this whole college thing down. What do I mean by this?
I mean that I finally feel like I’ve got it under control. I’ve been using the dining hall more (you’re welcome parents). I get as much sleep as I can. I’m working out a ton. I’m eating well. I’m reading for fun, which I haven’t done in a long time. And I am surrounded by people that I genuinely am happy to call my friends.
Like the person who sent in this submission said, sometimes all it takes is inviting some people over to watch football. Or in my case, inviting some people to get Mexican food, frozen yogurt, smoothies - do you see a pattern? Food helps you make friends, people. I swear.
If you are feeling like you’ve been hanging with people and you’re scared that it’s too late to make new friends, don’t be. It is never too late. Don’t stay in a situation where you don’t feel your best or can’t be yourself. What’s the point?
Ask someone out on a date - not romantically. Unless of course, you are looking for a significant other, which in that case, go get ‘em tiger. But ask someone out to get food or a smoothie! Ask if they want to do work together or go to the gym.
I know that it may seem hard to put yourself out there, or it may feel weird to be the one asking. But JUST DO IT. Odds are, that person is going to be thrilled and say yes and you will live happily ever after as besties for the resties. Or not, and that’s okay too. Life is a major trial and error episode.
This is for people who also feel like they have found their people. Go find more. Friends are good to have and you can never have too many. Some of the best friends I made freshman year I made by chance. One night I sat down at a table in the dining hall. Two boys were sitting there too, and one of them made a joke like, “we don’t bite, you can move closer to us.” Hi boys! Miss you. I met someone else a month before school ended…It’s never too late to make new friends.
If you take anything from this, it’s this: Don’t talk to strangers but ask strangers out on dates!
That’s right, I’m talking to you. Stop watching Tasty videos on your phone, get off your butt, put some chapstick on and call it day. Go make some friends! I’m rooting for you.