Out of the 6,942 days that I have been alive, I’d say just under 50 were spent without my other half.

And I don’t mean ~my other half ~ in a cheesy, lovey-dovey, Instagram-story birthday-post kind of way.

I mean my literal other half. The one I was in utero with for nine months.

My twin, wombmate, ex-roommate, now neighbor, complete opposite, resilient, carefree, Vermont-loving sister, Alexis.

Out of those 6,942 days, there were 18 birthdays that we spent together.

The first was when I was first introduced to cake. And then proceeded to smash my head into it. I have yet to live that down.

The fourth we had a Groovy Girl themed party.

The fifth our mom tried to surprise us by having the ice cream truck come to our house. I eavesdropped and knew all along. We were a big hit among the five-year-old crowd for a while after that.

The 10th we rented out The Cliffs and had a rock-climbing party. How crunchy of us.

The 13th we became a Bat-Mitzvah and were #twinning. We should’ve gone on a trip to Italy instead of having the party. That one was on me. My bad.

The 16th we spent the first half together and the second I was playing soccer.

The 18th was our last at home.

The 19th was our first apart.

Last Wednesday Alexis and I spent our birthday 6 hours and 17 minutes apart. I in the Lehigh Valley and she in the Groovy UV. At midnight, I was with some friends and she was in bed. We FaceTimed and texted saying we missed and loved each other. But it was weird. It didn’t feel like our birthday and it really didn’t feel like mine.

Having birthdays during school was always something I hated. In elementary school it was fine and a routine. Mom would come in with cake or donuts or something that everyone, even with allergies, can eat. The whole class was included and it wasn’t a big deal. You even got a homework pass. Boy could I use that now. What did I need it for in the fourth grade? Coloring a map? I love to color now. BIG stress reliever.

In middle school, it was no longer your mom bringing in the goods but your friends. Your locker was decorated and cookies or slutty brownies were brought in to lunch. Everyone would sing happy birthday and make a big scene in the cafeteria and then all of the girls and guys who aren’t really your friends would come up to you and hug you and sing to you and then take a cupcake.

I’m sorry. Have we met? Get your hands off of my cupcakes. We weren’t friends yesterday and we won’t be friends tomorrow.

High school was whatever.

The one thing I hated was how one person would hear someone saying “Happy birthday!” and then feel obligated to say it and then you are stuck saying an awkward thank you to someone you haven’t spoken to since freshman year.

College is just weird. I found myself telling some of my friends a month in advance when my birthday was because I was hoping that maybe some of them would remember. No one here knows. Maybe Facebook reminded them halfway through the day after I already had class with them but for the most part it’s a new crowd.

I woke up and put on my L.L. Bean fleece, a baseball hat and some leggings and called it a day. I didn’t care what I looked like. I wasn’t wearing a pin that said “I’m 19!” on it. I was wearing makeup to cover up my stress-related acne and a hat to cover the bags under my eyes. Oh the joy of being 19.

Some very nice friends of mine decorated my room, rather than my locker, but other than that it was just another day.

I actually went home after my classes to have birthday cake and Chinese food with my parents, my best friend and her mom. That part felt normal. We usually get Chinese on our birthday. The only thing is Alexis is usually there too.

I called up her boyfriend in the morning and told him that he should probably have some Chinese take-out ready to go when she returns from her evening class. So, she also ate Chinese food with her friends, per my suggestion. She was in a rather sour mood over FaceTime though and I knew that she just wanted to be home. Might I add that she hasn’t been home since January and I haven’t seen her since? And that in a month she’s off to be a counselor at sleep-away camp for the entire summer?

No like it’s fine. I love being an only child and having to endure Dad’s constant burping and snoring and Mom’s - I actually don’t know what Mom does that’s parallel to the burping. Playing Candy Crush?

We ended the night watching old home videos. My god. Was I a little brat or what? Alexis I am sorry I bullied you. You didn’t deserve it. It’s not you. It’s me.

People always say, time flies when you’re having fun. I just think time flies.

It’s weird to think that for the rest of our lives we might not be spending our birthday together. OUR birthday. Not mine. Not hers. OURS.

People who aren’t twins, triplets or those crazies who are octuplets just don’t get it. For all you millennials out there, it’s like all of a sudden not having your phone one day. And then still not having it the next. And the next. An integral part of your life is now missing. Human sister, techy phone. Same thing.

Our 21st is going to be a predicament; I already know. Someone is going to have to make the sacrifice and make the trip to the other’s school so we can get crunk at a college bar and make ~memories.

Shot not.