Have you ever been to a casino at 7 in the morning? Have you ever been escorted to the bathroom by five men varying in all ages and sizes?

I have.

At 2 a.m. I decided to hop on the 7:50 a.m. bus and head home for the weekend. Super spontaneous and spur of the moment. The bus leaves from Sands Casino, which is about a mile down the road from my dorm.

There had been a concert at the casino back in November so I had been once or twice before. The only difference being it wasn’t at the break of dawn.

I hopped in my Uber and he asked if I was going to the bus terminal. I was like that’s so nice thank you. But I couldn’t stop there. I add:

“Oh no. I’m actually going to gamble at this fine hour.” To which he responds:

“I’ve been there. I’ve done that.”

It was awkward for the remaining mile.

The people that you encounter at a casino at 7 in the morning are just so…interesting is the word we will go with today. Zombie-like works too. Walking living zombies with looks of defeat or looks of persistence, both with eye bags and bedhead even though we all know they didn’t make it up to their rooms yet.

The night was young. Or should I say, the morning.

Now, I’m not a huge gambler myself. The only gambling I have ever experienced was the presence of the sports-gambling addicts that were the senior boys from my high school. And, March Madness. I make brackets. They don’t do well. This year, my bracket was shot after game #1. Not day. Game. Literally the first game.

I also suck at all the card games. Uno, Slapjack, Go Fish. You name it and I’ll lose.

If you know me, you know that on top of being an inexperienced card player, I have the tiniest bladder in the world.

Pee before you leave! I’ve been told since I was out of diapers.

I want to make it known that I did. Mom. I did use the bathroom before I left. That doesn’t mean I won’t have to again.

Arriving to the bus terminal with ample amounts of time, I decided to go to the bathroom one last time before the hajj back home. I knew the drill. I walked into the casino and once I reached the officer I asked if I could use the bathroom. I was probably way too cheery for the environment we were in and the time element.

He asked for my ID. Sir. I am 18. It is 7 a.m. I am not trying to fool anyone. I would just like to pee.

Well. I needed an escort to the bathroom because I’m a child at risk of going to spend my life savings on a card game. I stood there waiting for five minutes, watching each person walk out of the casino, by me and out the door. Poor souls.

All of a sudden. A plethora of men walk my way. This was not an escort. This was an entourage.

A group of four men approach me. One clearly the alpha of the pack. The others were scrappy, varying in fitness, age and confidence. It was the scene straight out of Grown Ups when they all walked onto the court: also varying in fitness, age and confidence.

I walked with my new clique all the way down the casino to the bathroom. Again, I stared at the people who were in there. Poor souls.

I soon realize that this group of men are actually trainees and are being trained by the alpha. As we walk to the bathroom he was narrating the protocol. Once we got there, the alpha explains: “So we don’t follow her into the bathroom. We stand here and wait for her to be done.”

Wow. Thank you guys for not following me into the bathroom. Didn’t realize I’d be getting the celebrity treatment this morning.

In the bathroom there was this older, short women drying her hands. I just wanted to get in and get out but no. She had to say, “Oh wowwwwww loooook who else is up!!!!!”

Bye.

Can’t a girl pee in peace without getting cheered at in solidarity of being awake at a casino at 7 in the morning. I guess not. By the time I left, she was still trying to figure out how to dry her hands. Poor soul.

On the way back, the alpha gave the 60-year-old man a wack at leading the pack. He was all confident and excited. I was playing along. I couldn’t help but thinking it was a little late in the game for trying out a new profession, but maybe that was his life-long goal that was finally coming true. I commend him.

I thanked my four new friends once I got to the lobby and waved them goodbye. They told me to have a great day and I did from there on out.

Not going to lie, I resonated with Taylor Lautner while walking with the boys. I was the only female. I felt the power. I felt like I was leading them, not the other way around.

I feel like a lone wolf without my pack. I’ll probably have to go back sometime soon to see them escalate in the ranks. I’m really proud of them already and can’t help but feel like I contributed to that training session.

You are welcome officers. Never leave a wolf behind.